A news item on the early morning news brought this about.
There was a multi level parking garage in some city in a southern state which collapsed yesterday and in the process flattened 45 cars.
Life, it's filled with uncertainty. And yet we manage to get on going back to what we have to do.
We have to.
Anyway, let me segue into the title of this post.
I have some married female friends (don't we all ?).
And I have a female officemate who's been married to her husband for so many years and they're still very much together with no plans of splitting up. Not that there seems to be a reason to. Imagine my surprise when my office friend told me one day that her husband was the jealous kind, after telling me of his infidelity. DUH !
Okay, so it was a one time thing and they have gotten over it. Still., she can't be seen with other men unless they were related. WHAT ? (I thought that just was a custom in a Middle Eastern country.)
What are their husbands scared of ? That they would have an affair, given the chance.
How well do they know their wives ?
How well do they know themselves ?
And there was this moment of insight for me. Some men (I hope just a small number. Or maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part) are really just an insecure bunch of idiots.
But I think, other then GREED, the other underlying reason for most of the troubled times we live in is really just due to a basic "troubled" state of mind men have - INSECURITY !
Enough said for now. Go think and figure it out for yourself. Maybe I'm wrong. Then again, look around you.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Moment of Clarity
Been wanting to write about this moment when the words forever and eternally made sense to me.
It happened soon after my mom passed. I was the first in our family to see her body at the funeral home. I did not expect that I would be the one. I guess it was just meant to be. One of brothers in law had told me of how traumatizing it could be. Because for him it was a moent when you finally come to grips with your loved one's death. You know for sure that he or she is gone - forever.
I arrived at the funeral home where the funeral director led me to where my mom was and found the florist and his assistant still working on the floral arrangements. They left to allow me some private time with my mom.
And so it happened. I found myself alone with her in a coffin. Surreal, not really.
I took a good look at her while holding her hands.
What was surreal was the moment when I realized what the words forever and eternally meant.
My mom was gone - physically. But she would live and be with me forever, till I have my memory intact. That was the first time evrything I had heard about those two words made perfect sense to me and I finally undertood what they meant.
And so I "spoke" to my mom, said my goodbye and told her things which I could only say to her and know she'd understand. I remember telling her that I'd be seeing her, maybe not so soon, then again, maybe not. I told her I'd be fine. And then I said a prayer for her.
I turned around and found I had been alone in the room with her. The funeral director and the florists had closed the room behind me and I didn't notice that they did. So I opened the door and let them in. They uttered their condolences, the florists firt and then the funeral director.
Okay, here's where a fun part begins. Just soon after the funeral director said his words of condolence, I told him that the body in the coffin was not my mom.
I meant to say that it was just the body of my mom, not the mom I had known and spent a life with. But of course it sounded different to him.
You should have seen the look on his face change from one of feeling empathy for me to one of "oh, no ! then whose body is that one of ?"
I immediately noticed it and told him what I really meant. And then of course, his demeanor slowly returned to what it was earlier, if not showing a sign of relief. After all, I had told him so calmly "that's not my mom !"
It happened soon after my mom passed. I was the first in our family to see her body at the funeral home. I did not expect that I would be the one. I guess it was just meant to be. One of brothers in law had told me of how traumatizing it could be. Because for him it was a moent when you finally come to grips with your loved one's death. You know for sure that he or she is gone - forever.
I arrived at the funeral home where the funeral director led me to where my mom was and found the florist and his assistant still working on the floral arrangements. They left to allow me some private time with my mom.
And so it happened. I found myself alone with her in a coffin. Surreal, not really.
I took a good look at her while holding her hands.
What was surreal was the moment when I realized what the words forever and eternally meant.
My mom was gone - physically. But she would live and be with me forever, till I have my memory intact. That was the first time evrything I had heard about those two words made perfect sense to me and I finally undertood what they meant.
And so I "spoke" to my mom, said my goodbye and told her things which I could only say to her and know she'd understand. I remember telling her that I'd be seeing her, maybe not so soon, then again, maybe not. I told her I'd be fine. And then I said a prayer for her.
I turned around and found I had been alone in the room with her. The funeral director and the florists had closed the room behind me and I didn't notice that they did. So I opened the door and let them in. They uttered their condolences, the florists firt and then the funeral director.
Okay, here's where a fun part begins. Just soon after the funeral director said his words of condolence, I told him that the body in the coffin was not my mom.
I meant to say that it was just the body of my mom, not the mom I had known and spent a life with. But of course it sounded different to him.
You should have seen the look on his face change from one of feeling empathy for me to one of "oh, no ! then whose body is that one of ?"
I immediately noticed it and told him what I really meant. And then of course, his demeanor slowly returned to what it was earlier, if not showing a sign of relief. After all, I had told him so calmly "that's not my mom !"
And I kind of felt bad for making him "freak out", even if it was for a minute or less. I offered to get him a drink, if he was old enough to get an alcoholic one. He looked pretty young to be one. And he told me that he was really old enough, early 20's, and that he got into the job early on.
I explained to him what I meant and told him that I thought he might have been in similar situations he had just found himself in. I'm sure he'd see more if he stays in the the same job.
But during those moments I spent with my mom, taking it in by myself, evrything made sense to me and there was indeed that Moment of Clarity, that moment where I seemed to have lost my fear of the uncertainty of life. I realized that one day it would come to me, it would be my turn to leave behind the life I am living now and just be "no one"
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Unread Eulogy
My mother passed away Sunday, January 11.
She was 78, was married and loved her husband for 58 years.
The marriage was blessed with 5 children and the usual other stuff which come with a family of differing leanings. In spite of it all, the bottom line, the glue which held it together and sustained it at the end of the day was something invisible but came out when it was needed most - Love.
And I am not saying it with sentimentality. If you could read, you should be able to figure it out.
Anyway, a couple of my siblings had told me, as they were making funeral arrangements, that I would be assigned the task of eulogizing my mom if it came up. I was not worried about the eulogy, I was worried about how if I would be able to do it without breaking down. Luckily, I did not have to.
So here is most of what I had written (with a little help from a colleague at work).
First of all, I THANK EVERY ONE who came and helped us out in our time of loss and mourning, including all who called or e-mailed their thoughts and concern.
This is a sad day for our family and for the people who held my mother dear to them, including her siblings and the friends she made and kept close to her heart if they could not be physically close to her as well as other people she came into contact with and got to know her.
Some of you here today have only come to know my mom through us - that is my dad, myself and my siblings. I wish you had come to know her as we and our relatives and the friends she made had known her. You would have been able to enjoy her cooking and her little tidbits on food and life which she was lucky enough to have learned and shared through her 78 years.
I am sure you will remember the good moments you shared with my mom as I am about to share with you some things you may have known (or not) about her and the family she loved and shared her life with.
Let me start with my dad whom she married when she was just 20 and he was 21. Their marriage had its share of ups and downs just like most marriages but I think the 58 years they were together shows that they had more ups than downs. And their union was blessed with 5 children whom I hope brought them the family they hoped for.
My mom's passion for cooking my sister Josephine has picked up on. She has as well picked up my mom's need to keep her home spotlessly clean, specially the bathrooms and the kitchen.
And my mom's love for shopping my sister Jocelyn ishared and indulged her in, even bringing my mom out on a cold winter's day to the mall because my mom felt cooped up at home one time.
My mom liked the way my sister Rosana, whom my parents named after my grandmother Rosa, as she bore a close resemblance to her, could come up with tasty meals cooked on a moments notice. My mom also liked that Rona always had something for eveyone she cared about even if she didn't have enough for herself.
Her desire for higher education, she lived vicariously through my sister Ana Lisa. She also admired Lisa's fashion sense and liked her for her fairness and generosity.
My mom influenced my sisters' ways of dressing but in her later years she picked up trends and advice from them.
I think by now you are wondering what I'm going to say about myself. I will let this eulogy say it for me. I will tell you this - my siblings just like my parents have always looked out for me. sometimes, my siblings act more like my parents. I want you and them to know that I appreciate it even if some times I seem to prove otherwise. Just like my mom and dad, they are irreplaceable.
Allow me to share with you something about me and my mom. She rarely scolded me or my siblings and it was usually about school work or our prayers or our grooming when we were growing up. My mom was all love and Dad, I'm sorry I have to admit this but I felt worse on those rare occasions that mama would give me a scolding than those times you used the harshest words on me. Dad, I won't forget that you taught me not to forget the bad, the sad things and times we encounter so that they would guide me in making decisions. I won't forget. And neither will I forget Mama, her love for me, for us all. She will always be with me, with us until that day when we are called to join her.
Lastly, I want :
1) my nephews and nieces to know that my mom has always loved them as much as she loved their parents;
2) my mom's aunt, siblings, and nephews and nieces that they were always in my mom's thoughts and prayers.
This may be a sad moment for us all but I would rather you remember it as a happy moment as well. Sad because we are losing a loved one and happy for the life we were allowed to share with her. I am sure my mother was happy that as she was being called away her husband and children were with her in her final moments. I am sure she is happily watching us as we gather to say goodbye to her or rather her earthly life, a life in which she gave her love and her best to all of us.
She was 78, was married and loved her husband for 58 years.
The marriage was blessed with 5 children and the usual other stuff which come with a family of differing leanings. In spite of it all, the bottom line, the glue which held it together and sustained it at the end of the day was something invisible but came out when it was needed most - Love.
And I am not saying it with sentimentality. If you could read, you should be able to figure it out.
Anyway, a couple of my siblings had told me, as they were making funeral arrangements, that I would be assigned the task of eulogizing my mom if it came up. I was not worried about the eulogy, I was worried about how if I would be able to do it without breaking down. Luckily, I did not have to.
So here is most of what I had written (with a little help from a colleague at work).
First of all, I THANK EVERY ONE who came and helped us out in our time of loss and mourning, including all who called or e-mailed their thoughts and concern.
This is a sad day for our family and for the people who held my mother dear to them, including her siblings and the friends she made and kept close to her heart if they could not be physically close to her as well as other people she came into contact with and got to know her.
Some of you here today have only come to know my mom through us - that is my dad, myself and my siblings. I wish you had come to know her as we and our relatives and the friends she made had known her. You would have been able to enjoy her cooking and her little tidbits on food and life which she was lucky enough to have learned and shared through her 78 years.
I am sure you will remember the good moments you shared with my mom as I am about to share with you some things you may have known (or not) about her and the family she loved and shared her life with.
Let me start with my dad whom she married when she was just 20 and he was 21. Their marriage had its share of ups and downs just like most marriages but I think the 58 years they were together shows that they had more ups than downs. And their union was blessed with 5 children whom I hope brought them the family they hoped for.
My mom's passion for cooking my sister Josephine has picked up on. She has as well picked up my mom's need to keep her home spotlessly clean, specially the bathrooms and the kitchen.
And my mom's love for shopping my sister Jocelyn ishared and indulged her in, even bringing my mom out on a cold winter's day to the mall because my mom felt cooped up at home one time.
My mom liked the way my sister Rosana, whom my parents named after my grandmother Rosa, as she bore a close resemblance to her, could come up with tasty meals cooked on a moments notice. My mom also liked that Rona always had something for eveyone she cared about even if she didn't have enough for herself.
Her desire for higher education, she lived vicariously through my sister Ana Lisa. She also admired Lisa's fashion sense and liked her for her fairness and generosity.
My mom influenced my sisters' ways of dressing but in her later years she picked up trends and advice from them.
I think by now you are wondering what I'm going to say about myself. I will let this eulogy say it for me. I will tell you this - my siblings just like my parents have always looked out for me. sometimes, my siblings act more like my parents. I want you and them to know that I appreciate it even if some times I seem to prove otherwise. Just like my mom and dad, they are irreplaceable.
Allow me to share with you something about me and my mom. She rarely scolded me or my siblings and it was usually about school work or our prayers or our grooming when we were growing up. My mom was all love and Dad, I'm sorry I have to admit this but I felt worse on those rare occasions that mama would give me a scolding than those times you used the harshest words on me. Dad, I won't forget that you taught me not to forget the bad, the sad things and times we encounter so that they would guide me in making decisions. I won't forget. And neither will I forget Mama, her love for me, for us all. She will always be with me, with us until that day when we are called to join her.
Lastly, I want :
1) my nephews and nieces to know that my mom has always loved them as much as she loved their parents;
2) my mom's aunt, siblings, and nephews and nieces that they were always in my mom's thoughts and prayers.
This may be a sad moment for us all but I would rather you remember it as a happy moment as well. Sad because we are losing a loved one and happy for the life we were allowed to share with her. I am sure my mother was happy that as she was being called away her husband and children were with her in her final moments. I am sure she is happily watching us as we gather to say goodbye to her or rather her earthly life, a life in which she gave her love and her best to all of us.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
What Are The Chances
Accompanied my mom quite early yesterday morning for a medical procedure one of her doctors advised her to get done.
I had to wait for a couple of hours which the medical facility made me do so in a well thought of area for family members and/or friends of their patients.
I got lucky. The time went by quite quickly after I was joined in the room by the husband of one of the patients and we got into a conversation about the news (and what is covered, and not, by the news or the people who report them) and also a bit about ourselves and our experiences.
The thing about the patient's husband ( I feel bad we didn't bother getting each other's names)was that I would not have talked to him had we not been in the same room. Well, it is quite normal behaviour to just pass people by on the street as you walk or drive by.
And I'm glad we had our conversation. We both learned something new (or not), and not just about ourselves. (At least I hope he did.)
For starters, he thought I was someone other than what I looked like to him. It came up later in our conversation. Didn't bother me a bit. It just proved that we have different perceptions and if we only took the time we would be able to correct ourselves and resolve issues without resorting to weirder forms of behaviour, i.e. the recent Scott McClellan disclosures about you know who and you know what. BIG SURPRISE ! !
Yes, politics was a topic. Actually, it was how our conversation started. But, unlike so many others, we were able to move on to other topics without knowing what our political leanings were. There are more important things to be bothered with (or by). As in the price of gas and old cars. He said he had a couple which he maintains and gets to use occasionally cause we never get past the age of 18 (or 19). There, another point of agreement - our bodies age, not our minds (or state of mind).
Yes, the reason both of us were in the same room was also something we talked about and moved on from. No one wants to be sick. It's much like age. Once we get born we don't have much of a choice. We'll just have to grow and mature and age as we go along and deal with it. Well, that's how it is for some. And you've seen and will continue to see others who don't think so.
And we moved on to the MAFIAs of the current world. They're not gone. They've just gone into other things and gotten themselves legitimized as in the oil companies and the credit card companies.
We talked about places we grew up in as well as places we spent part of our lives in, including places we would not want to revisit. And yet we acknowledged that these were the places which made us what or who we are. They would always be with us wherever and with whoever we were. And maybe even share them with a total stranger in a place where we come to heal (or get healed).
We were two different people with our own unique set of problems and issues, likes and dislikes, joys and pains. So unlike what goes in day in day out, and not only in most political arenas. Unfortunately, people would rather go for their own selfish agendas rather than see the really common agendas people have.
So, what are the chances ? Why can't most people take the chance/s of a simple conversation from which much can be learned and get things done or issues resolved, UNEMOTIONALLY ? We're all just passing thru, passing time and wanting the same things even if we have different ways of wanting (or getting) them.
What are the chances ?
I had to wait for a couple of hours which the medical facility made me do so in a well thought of area for family members and/or friends of their patients.
I got lucky. The time went by quite quickly after I was joined in the room by the husband of one of the patients and we got into a conversation about the news (and what is covered, and not, by the news or the people who report them) and also a bit about ourselves and our experiences.
The thing about the patient's husband ( I feel bad we didn't bother getting each other's names)was that I would not have talked to him had we not been in the same room. Well, it is quite normal behaviour to just pass people by on the street as you walk or drive by.
And I'm glad we had our conversation. We both learned something new (or not), and not just about ourselves. (At least I hope he did.)
For starters, he thought I was someone other than what I looked like to him. It came up later in our conversation. Didn't bother me a bit. It just proved that we have different perceptions and if we only took the time we would be able to correct ourselves and resolve issues without resorting to weirder forms of behaviour, i.e. the recent Scott McClellan disclosures about you know who and you know what. BIG SURPRISE ! !
Yes, politics was a topic. Actually, it was how our conversation started. But, unlike so many others, we were able to move on to other topics without knowing what our political leanings were. There are more important things to be bothered with (or by). As in the price of gas and old cars. He said he had a couple which he maintains and gets to use occasionally cause we never get past the age of 18 (or 19). There, another point of agreement - our bodies age, not our minds (or state of mind).
Yes, the reason both of us were in the same room was also something we talked about and moved on from. No one wants to be sick. It's much like age. Once we get born we don't have much of a choice. We'll just have to grow and mature and age as we go along and deal with it. Well, that's how it is for some. And you've seen and will continue to see others who don't think so.
And we moved on to the MAFIAs of the current world. They're not gone. They've just gone into other things and gotten themselves legitimized as in the oil companies and the credit card companies.
We talked about places we grew up in as well as places we spent part of our lives in, including places we would not want to revisit. And yet we acknowledged that these were the places which made us what or who we are. They would always be with us wherever and with whoever we were. And maybe even share them with a total stranger in a place where we come to heal (or get healed).
We were two different people with our own unique set of problems and issues, likes and dislikes, joys and pains. So unlike what goes in day in day out, and not only in most political arenas. Unfortunately, people would rather go for their own selfish agendas rather than see the really common agendas people have.
So, what are the chances ? Why can't most people take the chance/s of a simple conversation from which much can be learned and get things done or issues resolved, UNEMOTIONALLY ? We're all just passing thru, passing time and wanting the same things even if we have different ways of wanting (or getting) them.
What are the chances ?
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Just Another Day
Just another day, another weekend day. Today.
So, being one nice spring day with the sun out and a gentle breeze, I went out to do some yard work. The neighbors were doing likewise. The male neighbors mostly.
But the neighbor in the back and I got into a very short conversation because of his pooch. She had wandered into our yard and I guess it was her way of finding out who I was. She seemed to want to know more about me than me and the neighbor wanted to know about each other.
Yes, I found out she was a she cause her name was GRACE. Know any male named Grace, let me know. Anyway, I found something out about the neighbor other than the fact that our yards were home to a lot of poison ivy. Tell my arms about it. They met a week ago. I wish I met the neighbor then. I would have asked him to get rid of them for me. WHY ? Turns out he ISN'T ALLERGIC to POISON IVY, by some quirk of genetics. or something.
Let me segue into other male territory, this time between father and son, my dad and me.
Found out something about him only recently after a lifetime of avoiding a lot of stuff as well as sharing a lot of grief when the unavoidable happened. But we have a relationship. We talk when we have to which isn't often now cause we live thousands of miles from each other.
Okay, now you know some background, let me cut to the story. He was visiting with us weeks ago and we were having a conversation about SOMETHING OTHER THAN MONEY.
Yes, MONEY, the other five letter word synonymous with another five letter word.
No not GREED. GRIEF.
Yes, the three are synonymous. And they are all about wanting more money if not just plain wanting it.
Anyway, this is not about why they're synonymous. It's more about how my dad and I are connected without really appreciating it sometimes. Money came into the conversation because we got to talking about his expenses. He now lives on fixed income so there's not much wiggle room when some unexpected expense rears its ugly head. But he wasn't worried, not in the same way we younger people worry. It comes with age this thing about worrying less. You know more about what not to worry about. Besides, worry or not, we all won't get out of life alive.
Again, let me get back to what REALLY came out of the conversation. He said that he noticed that he would somehow get the money he needed when or just before he needed it most.
He couldn't explain why or how. He just got what he needed without asking anyone for it.
My dad is not religious, nor is he an atheist. He believes in God but he just doesn't bother praying or going to church as most people do, even in the darkest of moments I've seen him go through.
Okay, so here's the thing. I also have moments when I need a bit more than I have or am expecting. And then, just when I think I'd just go bite the bullet, I find out I don't have to. I get what I need without the hassle of worrying I had put myself through. So there, go figure. It makes me believe in what I have read or heard some people say - that the universe will provide what you need when you need it if you let your need be known. Really. I am not trying to go for weird but that's just the way some things turn out to be and for good.
Two unrelated events on two ordinary days. You wonder sometimes why certain things happen when they happen. I didn't ask to find out nor did I seek out the information. I didn't know anyone immune from poison ivy. Didn't know about my dad's "secret" without my asking. Just like something someone said long ago, that you will find your teacher when you are ready.
Just another day !
So, being one nice spring day with the sun out and a gentle breeze, I went out to do some yard work. The neighbors were doing likewise. The male neighbors mostly.
But the neighbor in the back and I got into a very short conversation because of his pooch. She had wandered into our yard and I guess it was her way of finding out who I was. She seemed to want to know more about me than me and the neighbor wanted to know about each other.
Yes, I found out she was a she cause her name was GRACE. Know any male named Grace, let me know. Anyway, I found something out about the neighbor other than the fact that our yards were home to a lot of poison ivy. Tell my arms about it. They met a week ago. I wish I met the neighbor then. I would have asked him to get rid of them for me. WHY ? Turns out he ISN'T ALLERGIC to POISON IVY, by some quirk of genetics. or something.
Let me segue into other male territory, this time between father and son, my dad and me.
Found out something about him only recently after a lifetime of avoiding a lot of stuff as well as sharing a lot of grief when the unavoidable happened. But we have a relationship. We talk when we have to which isn't often now cause we live thousands of miles from each other.
Okay, now you know some background, let me cut to the story. He was visiting with us weeks ago and we were having a conversation about SOMETHING OTHER THAN MONEY.
Yes, MONEY, the other five letter word synonymous with another five letter word.
No not GREED. GRIEF.
Yes, the three are synonymous. And they are all about wanting more money if not just plain wanting it.
Anyway, this is not about why they're synonymous. It's more about how my dad and I are connected without really appreciating it sometimes. Money came into the conversation because we got to talking about his expenses. He now lives on fixed income so there's not much wiggle room when some unexpected expense rears its ugly head. But he wasn't worried, not in the same way we younger people worry. It comes with age this thing about worrying less. You know more about what not to worry about. Besides, worry or not, we all won't get out of life alive.
Again, let me get back to what REALLY came out of the conversation. He said that he noticed that he would somehow get the money he needed when or just before he needed it most.
He couldn't explain why or how. He just got what he needed without asking anyone for it.
My dad is not religious, nor is he an atheist. He believes in God but he just doesn't bother praying or going to church as most people do, even in the darkest of moments I've seen him go through.
Okay, so here's the thing. I also have moments when I need a bit more than I have or am expecting. And then, just when I think I'd just go bite the bullet, I find out I don't have to. I get what I need without the hassle of worrying I had put myself through. So there, go figure. It makes me believe in what I have read or heard some people say - that the universe will provide what you need when you need it if you let your need be known. Really. I am not trying to go for weird but that's just the way some things turn out to be and for good.
Two unrelated events on two ordinary days. You wonder sometimes why certain things happen when they happen. I didn't ask to find out nor did I seek out the information. I didn't know anyone immune from poison ivy. Didn't know about my dad's "secret" without my asking. Just like something someone said long ago, that you will find your teacher when you are ready.
Just another day !
Saturday, May 3, 2008
A House by the Sea (I Remember, Benj)
This isn't just about a house by the sea. Nor is it just about good memories of it.
This is about a friendship and not with one person but with a whole family. I haven't seen or heard from anyone of them lately but it doesn't matter. I know where to find them and I know all I have to do is show up at their door. I know I will be let in and welcomed just like so many times before. And I would say goodbye as I leave again and we would live our lives like we did not need each other.
I'm not writing about a church or a place of refuge but the places they chose to live their ordinary days as well as those not so - their place in the city and their place by the sea - could very well be. I haven't been to either but I know they are still there.
And they always will be - until I lose my memory.
I won't mention any names except the one in the title of this post.
It started as most things do, without incident. I was in college and a friend just casually introduced me to one of the sons of a former senator, one with unsullied reputation, which is why he probably lost the last time he ran and he left it at that. I'm glad he did. I'm sure he did too.
The senator's son bumped into me sometime later and made a casual comment about how I dressed then, pretty much the way I still do, stylish rather than faddish. A conversation led to an invitation for dinner at their place where I met the senator's wife and a couple of my soon to be friend's other siblings. Nothing extraordnary really except that I got to know the rest of the family and got to be friends with most of them eventually.
Okay you get the idea - a friendship started and, in spite of some usual "unfriendly" incidents, continues. We finished college and joined the rat race. I found myself having dinner with them at least once a week. At least once a week, cause one of the siblings would ask me to. I shared confidences, as well as joys and pains, not only with my friend but his other siblings as well, even his mom. We would find out what was going on with whom and know that whatever we talked about would not be spoken of elsewhere.
So, the family had a place by the sea, four hours north of their place in the city. I had seen it before I even knew them. A high school classmate had a place very close to it. And yes I got invited not just once and not by just my friend but by almost everyone in their family. And it was always so good to spend the weekend, and even ordinary days, getting away from the day to day trivialities.
It was their place to get away to and to recharge and it became mine as well.
All I had to do was ask and I was NEVER turned down. Whenever I needed to get away from the demands of a crazy work week, or just wanted to get away. All I had to do was ask or show up and I had a room or ithe caretaker would indeed take care of me. Okay, I know what you're probably thinking - freeloader. It happened once - my friend felt bad I was spending too much time with his siblings and next thing I know his siblings got wind of what he had told his mom and they stood up for me. And yes, we're still friends.
And I just remembered it today. I always remember it whenever I have moments - Moments of joy, moments of unease (as against disease, dis-ease), moments I wish I were somewhere else doing something else. And, yes, being with some other person or people. Yes, I have those moments and when they do come I think about the beach in Caba and the house by it. I had my moments, good and bad, in it. But ALL of them matter and make sense when everything seems senseless some moments, some days.
It would have gone on and on had I not decided to take up an overseas job offer. I just had to spend time there days before I left. I had to say goodbye to the youngest sibling, Benj, who was then spending time there. I will not forget that weekend.
The family knew I was leaving and knew I wanted to spend the weekend there. I had told Benj about the job earlier but not about my accepting it. So I just had to go and tell him. He knew I was leaving but didn't know I was coming to say goodbye.
I arrived late in the day and the caretaker got him for me. I waited on the beach, watching the sunset, standing with a wistful look on the horizon. Then I heard him - "There's only one person I know who can stand that way, anywhere and I'll know it's him." Then a tight hug. And the weekend just flew by, the two of us and an afternoon with one of his fishermen friends making me want to stay. He voiced his concern that I would not come back. I did. And I always return to the same place by the sea, even after some of the people I spent time with there have passed on.
I remember, Benj. I haven't forgotten, never will.
I know you know. I know your dad and your sister knew.
I have my memories. I know the house in the city and the house by the sea are still there, not just housing people but memories as well. And I know both houses have gone through changes over time. Just like we had our own changes and additions (and Losses) in our lives.
And we could always go back to the sea and the house by it, not only in times we want to.
I will come back and I know you will be there, no questions asked, just like the sea.
All I have to do is show up.
This is about a friendship and not with one person but with a whole family. I haven't seen or heard from anyone of them lately but it doesn't matter. I know where to find them and I know all I have to do is show up at their door. I know I will be let in and welcomed just like so many times before. And I would say goodbye as I leave again and we would live our lives like we did not need each other.
I'm not writing about a church or a place of refuge but the places they chose to live their ordinary days as well as those not so - their place in the city and their place by the sea - could very well be. I haven't been to either but I know they are still there.
And they always will be - until I lose my memory.
I won't mention any names except the one in the title of this post.
It started as most things do, without incident. I was in college and a friend just casually introduced me to one of the sons of a former senator, one with unsullied reputation, which is why he probably lost the last time he ran and he left it at that. I'm glad he did. I'm sure he did too.
The senator's son bumped into me sometime later and made a casual comment about how I dressed then, pretty much the way I still do, stylish rather than faddish. A conversation led to an invitation for dinner at their place where I met the senator's wife and a couple of my soon to be friend's other siblings. Nothing extraordnary really except that I got to know the rest of the family and got to be friends with most of them eventually.
Okay you get the idea - a friendship started and, in spite of some usual "unfriendly" incidents, continues. We finished college and joined the rat race. I found myself having dinner with them at least once a week. At least once a week, cause one of the siblings would ask me to. I shared confidences, as well as joys and pains, not only with my friend but his other siblings as well, even his mom. We would find out what was going on with whom and know that whatever we talked about would not be spoken of elsewhere.
So, the family had a place by the sea, four hours north of their place in the city. I had seen it before I even knew them. A high school classmate had a place very close to it. And yes I got invited not just once and not by just my friend but by almost everyone in their family. And it was always so good to spend the weekend, and even ordinary days, getting away from the day to day trivialities.
It was their place to get away to and to recharge and it became mine as well.
All I had to do was ask and I was NEVER turned down. Whenever I needed to get away from the demands of a crazy work week, or just wanted to get away. All I had to do was ask or show up and I had a room or ithe caretaker would indeed take care of me. Okay, I know what you're probably thinking - freeloader. It happened once - my friend felt bad I was spending too much time with his siblings and next thing I know his siblings got wind of what he had told his mom and they stood up for me. And yes, we're still friends.
And I just remembered it today. I always remember it whenever I have moments - Moments of joy, moments of unease (as against disease, dis-ease), moments I wish I were somewhere else doing something else. And, yes, being with some other person or people. Yes, I have those moments and when they do come I think about the beach in Caba and the house by it. I had my moments, good and bad, in it. But ALL of them matter and make sense when everything seems senseless some moments, some days.
It would have gone on and on had I not decided to take up an overseas job offer. I just had to spend time there days before I left. I had to say goodbye to the youngest sibling, Benj, who was then spending time there. I will not forget that weekend.
The family knew I was leaving and knew I wanted to spend the weekend there. I had told Benj about the job earlier but not about my accepting it. So I just had to go and tell him. He knew I was leaving but didn't know I was coming to say goodbye.
I arrived late in the day and the caretaker got him for me. I waited on the beach, watching the sunset, standing with a wistful look on the horizon. Then I heard him - "There's only one person I know who can stand that way, anywhere and I'll know it's him." Then a tight hug. And the weekend just flew by, the two of us and an afternoon with one of his fishermen friends making me want to stay. He voiced his concern that I would not come back. I did. And I always return to the same place by the sea, even after some of the people I spent time with there have passed on.
I remember, Benj. I haven't forgotten, never will.
I know you know. I know your dad and your sister knew.
I have my memories. I know the house in the city and the house by the sea are still there, not just housing people but memories as well. And I know both houses have gone through changes over time. Just like we had our own changes and additions (and Losses) in our lives.
And we could always go back to the sea and the house by it, not only in times we want to.
I will come back and I know you will be there, no questions asked, just like the sea.
All I have to do is show up.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
It's All Self Made
If you look at what 's going on out there, you would wonder (I had wondered) why people react the way they have to what directly affects them, as in the continuing spiral of gas prices and the shortage of basic grains in some areas of the planet.
It's driven by fear and greed. And it's all Self Made.
People buy every sack of rice they could find at some of the stores. I said some (as in the so-called warehouse, asian or "specialty" stores) because that's how I've seen it.
Because if you go to the other usual stores (as in your day to day grocery stores or supermarket chain stores), you'd find rice. You'd find what other else you need without needing the sense of panic to get you to buy more than what you need.
A friend from a country which "religiously" monitors its bloggers, once told me what really causes most, if not all, the problems humankind encounters was a five letter word.
He asked me first and only after I gave him a couple of wrong "guesses" did he tell me the word was GREED. And then he made his case. This incident, this "awakening" happened years and years ago, where I least expected someone to think in such a way. Then again, at one time the country we had found a friendship in was far ahead anyone in terms of discoveries scientific and economic. Until some people found religion a good tool to make use of in going after their intentions of GREED. They found out they could use another instinct, FEAR, to get what they wanted.
And what happened then continues today and it will go on as long as there are humans on the planet. So, it should come as no surprise to most that life will go on as we know it no matter what new discoveries or advancements in science and day to day technology come along.
I think Fear is good cause it drives us to do things to protect ourselves and make sure we have what we need. But don't let it override everything you do because it eventually will turn out to be something baser, as in GREED. And we'll all be headless chickens running around as most of us are now. Slow down and think of what you're doing. People before us have been through this and we're still here, learning that we still have a stupid streak in us.
(You twentysomethings should listen to TWENTYSOMETHING by Jamie Mc Collum cause I was twenty something once and I know how it feels. Miss the energy but I'm glad I've moved past it.)
Oh yeah, and if nobody reads my blog, I couldn't care less. Someone will . And someone will leave a comment, good or bad. Doesn't matter. I've said what I wanted to say. And it's out there. Just like the other blogs I've stumbled upon and read and will continue to read. Not all of them are good. But if you take the time you will find some really good stuff in them. I guess it's like panning for gold. Sooner or later you will find a nugget, if not nuggets.
It's all Self Made.
It's driven by fear and greed. And it's all Self Made.
People buy every sack of rice they could find at some of the stores. I said some (as in the so-called warehouse, asian or "specialty" stores) because that's how I've seen it.
Because if you go to the other usual stores (as in your day to day grocery stores or supermarket chain stores), you'd find rice. You'd find what other else you need without needing the sense of panic to get you to buy more than what you need.
A friend from a country which "religiously" monitors its bloggers, once told me what really causes most, if not all, the problems humankind encounters was a five letter word.
He asked me first and only after I gave him a couple of wrong "guesses" did he tell me the word was GREED. And then he made his case. This incident, this "awakening" happened years and years ago, where I least expected someone to think in such a way. Then again, at one time the country we had found a friendship in was far ahead anyone in terms of discoveries scientific and economic. Until some people found religion a good tool to make use of in going after their intentions of GREED. They found out they could use another instinct, FEAR, to get what they wanted.
And what happened then continues today and it will go on as long as there are humans on the planet. So, it should come as no surprise to most that life will go on as we know it no matter what new discoveries or advancements in science and day to day technology come along.
I think Fear is good cause it drives us to do things to protect ourselves and make sure we have what we need. But don't let it override everything you do because it eventually will turn out to be something baser, as in GREED. And we'll all be headless chickens running around as most of us are now. Slow down and think of what you're doing. People before us have been through this and we're still here, learning that we still have a stupid streak in us.
(You twentysomethings should listen to TWENTYSOMETHING by Jamie Mc Collum cause I was twenty something once and I know how it feels. Miss the energy but I'm glad I've moved past it.)
Oh yeah, and if nobody reads my blog, I couldn't care less. Someone will . And someone will leave a comment, good or bad. Doesn't matter. I've said what I wanted to say. And it's out there. Just like the other blogs I've stumbled upon and read and will continue to read. Not all of them are good. But if you take the time you will find some really good stuff in them. I guess it's like panning for gold. Sooner or later you will find a nugget, if not nuggets.
It's all Self Made.
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