What Are The Chances

Accompanied my mom quite early yesterday morning for a medical procedure one of her doctors advised her to get done.

I had to wait for a couple of hours which the medical facility made me do so in a well thought of area for family members and/or friends of their patients.

I got lucky. The time went by quite quickly after I was joined in the room by the husband of one of the patients and we got into a conversation about the news (and what is covered, and not, by the news or the people who report them) and also a bit about ourselves and our experiences.

The thing about the patient's husband ( I feel bad we didn't bother getting each other's names)was that I would not have talked to him had we not been in the same room. Well, it is quite normal behaviour to just pass people by on the street as you walk or drive by.

And I'm glad we had our conversation. We both learned something new (or not), and not just about ourselves. (At least I hope he did.)

For starters, he thought I was someone other than what I looked like to him. It came up later in our conversation. Didn't bother me a bit. It just proved that we have different perceptions and if we only took the time we would be able to correct ourselves and resolve issues without resorting to weirder forms of behaviour, i.e. the recent Scott McClellan disclosures about you know who and you know what. BIG SURPRISE ! !

Yes, politics was a topic. Actually, it was how our conversation started. But, unlike so many others, we were able to move on to other topics without knowing what our political leanings were. There are more important things to be bothered with (or by). As in the price of gas and old cars. He said he had a couple which he maintains and gets to use occasionally cause we never get past the age of 18 (or 19). There, another point of agreement - our bodies age, not our minds (or state of mind).

Yes, the reason both of us were in the same room was also something we talked about and moved on from. No one wants to be sick. It's much like age. Once we get born we don't have much of a choice. We'll just have to grow and mature and age as we go along and deal with it. Well, that's how it is for some. And you've seen and will continue to see others who don't think so.

And we moved on to the MAFIAs of the current world. They're not gone. They've just gone into other things and gotten themselves legitimized as in the oil companies and the credit card companies.

We talked about places we grew up in as well as places we spent part of our lives in, including places we would not want to revisit. And yet we acknowledged that these were the places which made us what or who we are. They would always be with us wherever and with whoever we were. And maybe even share them with a total stranger in a place where we come to heal (or get healed).

We were two different people with our own unique set of problems and issues, likes and dislikes, joys and pains. So unlike what goes in day in day out, and not only in most political arenas. Unfortunately, people would rather go for their own selfish agendas rather than see the really common agendas people have.

So, what are the chances ? Why can't most people take the chance/s of a simple conversation from which much can be learned and get things done or issues resolved, UNEMOTIONALLY ? We're all just passing thru, passing time and wanting the same things even if we have different ways of wanting (or getting) them.

What are the chances ?

Just Another Day

Just another day, another weekend day. Today.

So, being one nice spring day with the sun out and a gentle breeze, I went out to do some yard work. The neighbors were doing likewise. The male neighbors mostly.

But the neighbor in the back and I got into a very short conversation because of his pooch. She had wandered into our yard and I guess it was her way of finding out who I was. She seemed to want to know more about me than me and the neighbor wanted to know about each other.

Yes, I found out she was a she cause her name was GRACE. Know any male named Grace, let me know. Anyway, I found something out about the neighbor other than the fact that our yards were home to a lot of poison ivy. Tell my arms about it. They met a week ago. I wish I met the neighbor then. I would have asked him to get rid of them for me. WHY ? Turns out he ISN'T ALLERGIC to POISON IVY, by some quirk of genetics. or something.

Let me segue into other male territory, this time between father and son, my dad and me.
Found out something about him only recently after a lifetime of avoiding a lot of stuff as well as sharing a lot of grief when the unavoidable happened. But we have a relationship. We talk when we have to which isn't often now cause we live thousands of miles from each other.

Okay, now you know some background, let me cut to the story. He was visiting with us weeks ago and we were having a conversation about SOMETHING OTHER THAN MONEY.
Yes, MONEY, the other five letter word synonymous with another five letter word.
No not GREED. GRIEF.
Yes, the three are synonymous. And they are all about wanting more money if not just plain wanting it.

Anyway, this is not about why they're synonymous. It's more about how my dad and I are connected without really appreciating it sometimes. Money came into the conversation because we got to talking about his expenses. He now lives on fixed income so there's not much wiggle room when some unexpected expense rears its ugly head. But he wasn't worried, not in the same way we younger people worry. It comes with age this thing about worrying less. You know more about what not to worry about. Besides, worry or not, we all won't get out of life alive.

Again, let me get back to what REALLY came out of the conversation. He said that he noticed that he would somehow get the money he needed when or just before he needed it most.
He couldn't explain why or how. He just got what he needed without asking anyone for it.
My dad is not religious, nor is he an atheist. He believes in God but he just doesn't bother praying or going to church as most people do, even in the darkest of moments I've seen him go through.

Okay, so here's the thing. I also have moments when I need a bit more than I have or am expecting. And then, just when I think I'd just go bite the bullet, I find out I don't have to. I get what I need without the hassle of worrying I had put myself through. So there, go figure. It makes me believe in what I have read or heard some people say - that the universe will provide what you need when you need it if you let your need be known. Really. I am not trying to go for weird but that's just the way some things turn out to be and for good.

Two unrelated events on two ordinary days. You wonder sometimes why certain things happen when they happen. I didn't ask to find out nor did I seek out the information. I didn't know anyone immune from poison ivy. Didn't know about my dad's "secret" without my asking. Just like something someone said long ago, that you will find your teacher when you are ready.

Just another day !

A House by the Sea (I Remember, Benj)

This isn't just about a house by the sea. Nor is it just about good memories of it.

This is about a friendship and not with one person but with a whole family. I haven't seen or heard from anyone of them lately but it doesn't matter. I know where to find them and I know all I have to do is show up at their door. I know I will be let in and welcomed just like so many times before. And I would say goodbye as I leave again and we would live our lives like we did not need each other.

I'm not writing about a church or a place of refuge but the places they chose to live their ordinary days as well as those not so - their place in the city and their place by the sea - could very well be. I haven't been to either but I know they are still there.
And they always will be - until I lose my memory.

I won't mention any names except the one in the title of this post.

It started as most things do, without incident. I was in college and a friend just casually introduced me to one of the sons of a former senator, one with unsullied reputation, which is why he probably lost the last time he ran and he left it at that. I'm glad he did. I'm sure he did too.

The senator's son bumped into me sometime later and made a casual comment about how I dressed then, pretty much the way I still do, stylish rather than faddish. A conversation led to an invitation for dinner at their place where I met the senator's wife and a couple of my soon to be friend's other siblings. Nothing extraordnary really except that I got to know the rest of the family and got to be friends with most of them eventually.

Okay you get the idea - a friendship started and, in spite of some usual "unfriendly" incidents, continues. We finished college and joined the rat race. I found myself having dinner with them at least once a week. At least once a week, cause one of the siblings would ask me to. I shared confidences, as well as joys and pains, not only with my friend but his other siblings as well, even his mom. We would find out what was going on with whom and know that whatever we talked about would not be spoken of elsewhere.

So, the family had a place by the sea, four hours north of their place in the city. I had seen it before I even knew them. A high school classmate had a place very close to it. And yes I got invited not just once and not by just my friend but by almost everyone in their family. And it was always so good to spend the weekend, and even ordinary days, getting away from the day to day trivialities.

It was their place to get away to and to recharge and it became mine as well.
All I had to do was ask and I was NEVER turned down. Whenever I needed to get away from the demands of a crazy work week, or just wanted to get away. All I had to do was ask or show up and I had a room or ithe caretaker would indeed take care of me. Okay, I know what you're probably thinking - freeloader. It happened once - my friend felt bad I was spending too much time with his siblings and next thing I know his siblings got wind of what he had told his mom and they stood up for me. And yes, we're still friends.

And I just remembered it today. I always remember it whenever I have moments - Moments of joy, moments of unease (as against disease, dis-ease), moments I wish I were somewhere else doing something else. And, yes, being with some other person or people. Yes, I have those moments and when they do come I think about the beach in Caba and the house by it. I had my moments, good and bad, in it. But ALL of them matter and make sense when everything seems senseless some moments, some days.

It would have gone on and on had I not decided to take up an overseas job offer. I just had to spend time there days before I left. I had to say goodbye to the youngest sibling, Benj, who was then spending time there. I will not forget that weekend.

The family knew I was leaving and knew I wanted to spend the weekend there. I had told Benj about the job earlier but not about my accepting it. So I just had to go and tell him. He knew I was leaving but didn't know I was coming to say goodbye.

I arrived late in the day and the caretaker got him for me. I waited on the beach, watching the sunset, standing with a wistful look on the horizon. Then I heard him - "There's only one person I know who can stand that way, anywhere and I'll know it's him." Then a tight hug. And the weekend just flew by, the two of us and an afternoon with one of his fishermen friends making me want to stay. He voiced his concern that I would not come back. I did. And I always return to the same place by the sea, even after some of the people I spent time with there have passed on.

I remember, Benj. I haven't forgotten, never will.
I know you know. I know your dad and your sister knew.
I have my memories. I know the house in the city and the house by the sea are still there, not just housing people but memories as well. And I know both houses have gone through changes over time. Just like we had our own changes and additions (and Losses) in our lives.

And we could always go back to the sea and the house by it, not only in times we want to.
I will come back and I know you will be there, no questions asked, just like the sea.
All I have to do is show up.

It's All Self Made

If you look at what 's going on out there, you would wonder (I had wondered) why people react the way they have to what directly affects them, as in the continuing spiral of gas prices and the shortage of basic grains in some areas of the planet.

It's driven by fear and greed. And it's all Self Made.

People buy every sack of rice they could find at some of the stores. I said some (as in the so-called warehouse, asian or "specialty" stores) because that's how I've seen it.
Because if you go to the other usual stores (as in your day to day grocery stores or supermarket chain stores), you'd find rice. You'd find what other else you need without needing the sense of panic to get you to buy more than what you need.

A friend from a country which "religiously" monitors its bloggers, once told me what really causes most, if not all, the problems humankind encounters was a five letter word.
He asked me first and only after I gave him a couple of wrong "guesses" did he tell me the word was GREED. And then he made his case. This incident, this "awakening" happened years and years ago, where I least expected someone to think in such a way. Then again, at one time the country we had found a friendship in was far ahead anyone in terms of discoveries scientific and economic. Until some people found religion a good tool to make use of in going after their intentions of GREED. They found out they could use another instinct, FEAR, to get what they wanted.

And what happened then continues today and it will go on as long as there are humans on the planet. So, it should come as no surprise to most that life will go on as we know it no matter what new discoveries or advancements in science and day to day technology come along.

I think Fear is good cause it drives us to do things to protect ourselves and make sure we have what we need. But don't let it override everything you do because it eventually will turn out to be something baser, as in GREED. And we'll all be headless chickens running around as most of us are now. Slow down and think of what you're doing. People before us have been through this and we're still here, learning that we still have a stupid streak in us.
(You twentysomethings should listen to TWENTYSOMETHING by Jamie Mc Collum cause I was twenty something once and I know how it feels. Miss the energy but I'm glad I've moved past it.)

Oh yeah, and if nobody reads my blog, I couldn't care less. Someone will . And someone will leave a comment, good or bad. Doesn't matter. I've said what I wanted to say. And it's out there. Just like the other blogs I've stumbled upon and read and will continue to read. Not all of them are good. But if you take the time you will find some really good stuff in them. I guess it's like panning for gold. Sooner or later you will find a nugget, if not nuggets.

It's all Self Made.

Trees

i consider myself lucky to be able to see trees outside the bedrooms i have had in the past few years.

they bring me back to days past when i lived the wild life my teenage years brought with it.
i have no regrets about those days.
i was in and out of school then for a couple of years.
in and out of our home as well.
my dad couldn't put up with my long hair, my friends, the drugs and the booze and my craziness.

some lessons learned came out of it which i carry, my baggage.

there was a short period when i lived with some prostitutes.
didn't meet them where they did their work. i had friends who were their boyfriends.
they took me in when they found out i got kicked out of our place.
some of them could relate cause that 's how they got started.
you say they could have done better than be what they ended up in.
easy to say. hey, some people today do worse.
anyway, it was to be a short stay. their "handler" found out and shot us out of their "house" early one morning.
yes. a couple of trees helped in our getaway and saved us from the gunshots fired at us.
ordinary trees, just.
i have never thought of prostitutes other than people who just don't have the same kind of luck we all were given.

i'll cut short to the next incident where trees made me do a turnaround.

my dad had given up on me. nothing he did worked to make me give up my "friends".
one day, instead of the usual screaming he just walked me out to our front yard where there were a couple of trees and a lot of smaller plants.

he admitted he was tired of me and his scoldings. i was a hopeless case.
(i finished high school and college and never attended graduation ceremonies which most parents look forward to. what for ? that was the end of the show, like the credits you see at the end of a film. now don't you guys walk out when they come along ?)

anyway, my dad then told me the trees and the plants around us were in a lot better shape than i was. they were stuck in the ground and yet each day they were able to do something with themselves and their situation. oh yeah, of course, it's the only way they'll survive.

but back to my dad. he said they were better off because they had something, leaves a-borning and a-falling, flowers and fruits showing. compared to nothing i could show for my daily, nightly excursions, incursions.

don't ask - it got to me. after he left i made up my mind i was going to finish school and get out of his face. after all he also told me he would still pay for my college education ( as well as for my four siblings. yes he did - debt-free.)

flash forward. when i was finally able to buy some land for my own home, first thing i had done was have some trees planted.

years later. were it not for the sight of those trees on the small plot of land, i would have sold it and not have the house i have on it now.

today, i think of my dad as another tree. he, inspite of our issues, has turned out to be a tree of sorts, holding us all together.

and so, every morning that i wake up, my eyes see the tall trees outside my bedroom window.
they seem to have followed me around from that time in my "friends'" yard as well as ours.

and, yes, Tony, the trees you are planting may well be enclosing me after i've breathed my last.

thanks Ton. let me thank you for all those people you say won't know you had planted trees which would outlive you, us.

they may just be trees.


you see me today and you wouldn't think i had done some wild things.
i'm sure you know some people who have similar experiences and you wouldn't know.
i know how you feel Ton.
you are dead on about those trees.
given the chance, they would be mute witnesses to the follies of man.

Mortality

found out about a friend's death last night.

brought back a lot of good memories as well as reminded me of our mortality.

everyone knew him as DonDon and appreciated him for his sparky personality and creativity.

we met while working for a bank in a desert kingdom. he found me.
a colleague at the bank told me i should meet him cause i somehow reminded him of Don.
for one we were taller than our compatriots.
and i think because i had a nasty sense of humor, much like Don, when a need for such humor arose.
we worked in different areas and we wouldn't have met had he not made the first move.
i'm glad he did.
for over the time i spent with him, he would provide me, as well as those who knew him much needed comic relief for the very restrictive lifestyle the kingdom enforced on everyone,
and more.

below are some of the memories of him i have and will continue to carry.

once, late at night he walked into a supermarket in shorts. no, you don't do that in public in this kingdom, men and specially women. got away with it. never did it again.

clogged up a kitchen so that the landlord would get some needed repairs done on the apartment he shared with a friend. he got found out and he and his friend moved out at the end of their lease. yes, we three found ourselves a better apartment and shared living arrangements for quite a long bit of time. i have not regretted doing so.

liked blue and white ceramics. yeah, for a while, i bought some. but he just had to have them all the time.

usually found a use for ordinary things for either decorative or utilitarian purposes.

gave good parties or had good ideas for them.

he termed women lacking in good looks "simpatica" after an embarrassing situation at a party.

never threw away leftover food until it had spoiled. said he learned it from his mom who told him it would bring bad luck as there are people somewhere who don't have the luxury of having enough food to get them thru the day.

taught me about his views on karma.
he believed whatever good or bad deeds you do would come back to affect you the same way, maybe doubled. ( i learned "every action has an equal and opposite reaction" from my high school physics class, and much more.)
don did as many good deeds as he could not thinking about whether he would get the same back.

gave one of my sisters a gold ring which she still wears everyday and which still gets "nice ring, where did you get that" comments from people who notice it. (they just met once when Don was on one of his annual vacations.)

he sometimes wore different colored or patterned socks not because he was setting a style trend. happened either because he was in a rush or he was dressing up in the dark.
how did i find out ? i called him at work once to tell him about my own booboo and he told me how often he did so.

one time he teased someone about getting a cat so he could practice for the eventuality of bachelorhood in his older days. don saw this colleague sitting in a rocking chair stoking a cat on his lap. yes, the guy took offense as he said he didn't have any plans of going thru life alone.
(i don't know if he has married. such is life, we move on and away from people who can't take our jokes.)

and the first gulf war. we were there.
the first time saddam's army sent in one of their bombs, we found ourselves sitting beside each other outside one of the apartment's bathrooms.
we were having coffee and cigarettes (typical of us then, i no longer smoke now) waiting for the effects of that bomb, (which fell a few miles away from us).
i told him that, worst case scenario, if he survived that bombing or any following it, to please tell my folks i was thinking about them to the last moment. and he asked me to do the same for him.

we both survived. and i am still here.

and such is life. people dear to us pass away and we're left with the memories.
we move on. we have to, like it or not.
i know. i started losing dear ones early on.
i'm still here, still hoping that i would grow old with people dear to me.
if not, then i just would like to be around to help people left behind move on.

and so, mortality.
we always forget that we could be gone anytime.
i'm guilty of it. we all are.
i wonder how it's gonna come for me.
truth is no matter how you want to, it will just happen.
we have no control over it.
but we can control how we live our life and how we affect the lives of people dear to us.
and the best thing we can do is to make it easy for them while we are able and when we're gone.
that's a good eulogy you can leave behind.