What Are The Chances

Accompanied my mom quite early yesterday morning for a medical procedure one of her doctors advised her to get done.

I had to wait for a couple of hours which the medical facility made me do so in a well thought of area for family members and/or friends of their patients.

I got lucky. The time went by quite quickly after I was joined in the room by the husband of one of the patients and we got into a conversation about the news (and what is covered, and not, by the news or the people who report them) and also a bit about ourselves and our experiences.

The thing about the patient's husband ( I feel bad we didn't bother getting each other's names)was that I would not have talked to him had we not been in the same room. Well, it is quite normal behaviour to just pass people by on the street as you walk or drive by.

And I'm glad we had our conversation. We both learned something new (or not), and not just about ourselves. (At least I hope he did.)

For starters, he thought I was someone other than what I looked like to him. It came up later in our conversation. Didn't bother me a bit. It just proved that we have different perceptions and if we only took the time we would be able to correct ourselves and resolve issues without resorting to weirder forms of behaviour, i.e. the recent Scott McClellan disclosures about you know who and you know what. BIG SURPRISE ! !

Yes, politics was a topic. Actually, it was how our conversation started. But, unlike so many others, we were able to move on to other topics without knowing what our political leanings were. There are more important things to be bothered with (or by). As in the price of gas and old cars. He said he had a couple which he maintains and gets to use occasionally cause we never get past the age of 18 (or 19). There, another point of agreement - our bodies age, not our minds (or state of mind).

Yes, the reason both of us were in the same room was also something we talked about and moved on from. No one wants to be sick. It's much like age. Once we get born we don't have much of a choice. We'll just have to grow and mature and age as we go along and deal with it. Well, that's how it is for some. And you've seen and will continue to see others who don't think so.

And we moved on to the MAFIAs of the current world. They're not gone. They've just gone into other things and gotten themselves legitimized as in the oil companies and the credit card companies.

We talked about places we grew up in as well as places we spent part of our lives in, including places we would not want to revisit. And yet we acknowledged that these were the places which made us what or who we are. They would always be with us wherever and with whoever we were. And maybe even share them with a total stranger in a place where we come to heal (or get healed).

We were two different people with our own unique set of problems and issues, likes and dislikes, joys and pains. So unlike what goes in day in day out, and not only in most political arenas. Unfortunately, people would rather go for their own selfish agendas rather than see the really common agendas people have.

So, what are the chances ? Why can't most people take the chance/s of a simple conversation from which much can be learned and get things done or issues resolved, UNEMOTIONALLY ? We're all just passing thru, passing time and wanting the same things even if we have different ways of wanting (or getting) them.

What are the chances ?

Just Another Day

Just another day, another weekend day. Today.

So, being one nice spring day with the sun out and a gentle breeze, I went out to do some yard work. The neighbors were doing likewise. The male neighbors mostly.

But the neighbor in the back and I got into a very short conversation because of his pooch. She had wandered into our yard and I guess it was her way of finding out who I was. She seemed to want to know more about me than me and the neighbor wanted to know about each other.

Yes, I found out she was a she cause her name was GRACE. Know any male named Grace, let me know. Anyway, I found something out about the neighbor other than the fact that our yards were home to a lot of poison ivy. Tell my arms about it. They met a week ago. I wish I met the neighbor then. I would have asked him to get rid of them for me. WHY ? Turns out he ISN'T ALLERGIC to POISON IVY, by some quirk of genetics. or something.

Let me segue into other male territory, this time between father and son, my dad and me.
Found out something about him only recently after a lifetime of avoiding a lot of stuff as well as sharing a lot of grief when the unavoidable happened. But we have a relationship. We talk when we have to which isn't often now cause we live thousands of miles from each other.

Okay, now you know some background, let me cut to the story. He was visiting with us weeks ago and we were having a conversation about SOMETHING OTHER THAN MONEY.
Yes, MONEY, the other five letter word synonymous with another five letter word.
No not GREED. GRIEF.
Yes, the three are synonymous. And they are all about wanting more money if not just plain wanting it.

Anyway, this is not about why they're synonymous. It's more about how my dad and I are connected without really appreciating it sometimes. Money came into the conversation because we got to talking about his expenses. He now lives on fixed income so there's not much wiggle room when some unexpected expense rears its ugly head. But he wasn't worried, not in the same way we younger people worry. It comes with age this thing about worrying less. You know more about what not to worry about. Besides, worry or not, we all won't get out of life alive.

Again, let me get back to what REALLY came out of the conversation. He said that he noticed that he would somehow get the money he needed when or just before he needed it most.
He couldn't explain why or how. He just got what he needed without asking anyone for it.
My dad is not religious, nor is he an atheist. He believes in God but he just doesn't bother praying or going to church as most people do, even in the darkest of moments I've seen him go through.

Okay, so here's the thing. I also have moments when I need a bit more than I have or am expecting. And then, just when I think I'd just go bite the bullet, I find out I don't have to. I get what I need without the hassle of worrying I had put myself through. So there, go figure. It makes me believe in what I have read or heard some people say - that the universe will provide what you need when you need it if you let your need be known. Really. I am not trying to go for weird but that's just the way some things turn out to be and for good.

Two unrelated events on two ordinary days. You wonder sometimes why certain things happen when they happen. I didn't ask to find out nor did I seek out the information. I didn't know anyone immune from poison ivy. Didn't know about my dad's "secret" without my asking. Just like something someone said long ago, that you will find your teacher when you are ready.

Just another day !

A House by the Sea (I Remember, Benj)

This isn't just about a house by the sea. Nor is it just about good memories of it.

This is about a friendship and not with one person but with a whole family. I haven't seen or heard from anyone of them lately but it doesn't matter. I know where to find them and I know all I have to do is show up at their door. I know I will be let in and welcomed just like so many times before. And I would say goodbye as I leave again and we would live our lives like we did not need each other.

I'm not writing about a church or a place of refuge but the places they chose to live their ordinary days as well as those not so - their place in the city and their place by the sea - could very well be. I haven't been to either but I know they are still there.
And they always will be - until I lose my memory.

I won't mention any names except the one in the title of this post.

It started as most things do, without incident. I was in college and a friend just casually introduced me to one of the sons of a former senator, one with unsullied reputation, which is why he probably lost the last time he ran and he left it at that. I'm glad he did. I'm sure he did too.

The senator's son bumped into me sometime later and made a casual comment about how I dressed then, pretty much the way I still do, stylish rather than faddish. A conversation led to an invitation for dinner at their place where I met the senator's wife and a couple of my soon to be friend's other siblings. Nothing extraordnary really except that I got to know the rest of the family and got to be friends with most of them eventually.

Okay you get the idea - a friendship started and, in spite of some usual "unfriendly" incidents, continues. We finished college and joined the rat race. I found myself having dinner with them at least once a week. At least once a week, cause one of the siblings would ask me to. I shared confidences, as well as joys and pains, not only with my friend but his other siblings as well, even his mom. We would find out what was going on with whom and know that whatever we talked about would not be spoken of elsewhere.

So, the family had a place by the sea, four hours north of their place in the city. I had seen it before I even knew them. A high school classmate had a place very close to it. And yes I got invited not just once and not by just my friend but by almost everyone in their family. And it was always so good to spend the weekend, and even ordinary days, getting away from the day to day trivialities.

It was their place to get away to and to recharge and it became mine as well.
All I had to do was ask and I was NEVER turned down. Whenever I needed to get away from the demands of a crazy work week, or just wanted to get away. All I had to do was ask or show up and I had a room or ithe caretaker would indeed take care of me. Okay, I know what you're probably thinking - freeloader. It happened once - my friend felt bad I was spending too much time with his siblings and next thing I know his siblings got wind of what he had told his mom and they stood up for me. And yes, we're still friends.

And I just remembered it today. I always remember it whenever I have moments - Moments of joy, moments of unease (as against disease, dis-ease), moments I wish I were somewhere else doing something else. And, yes, being with some other person or people. Yes, I have those moments and when they do come I think about the beach in Caba and the house by it. I had my moments, good and bad, in it. But ALL of them matter and make sense when everything seems senseless some moments, some days.

It would have gone on and on had I not decided to take up an overseas job offer. I just had to spend time there days before I left. I had to say goodbye to the youngest sibling, Benj, who was then spending time there. I will not forget that weekend.

The family knew I was leaving and knew I wanted to spend the weekend there. I had told Benj about the job earlier but not about my accepting it. So I just had to go and tell him. He knew I was leaving but didn't know I was coming to say goodbye.

I arrived late in the day and the caretaker got him for me. I waited on the beach, watching the sunset, standing with a wistful look on the horizon. Then I heard him - "There's only one person I know who can stand that way, anywhere and I'll know it's him." Then a tight hug. And the weekend just flew by, the two of us and an afternoon with one of his fishermen friends making me want to stay. He voiced his concern that I would not come back. I did. And I always return to the same place by the sea, even after some of the people I spent time with there have passed on.

I remember, Benj. I haven't forgotten, never will.
I know you know. I know your dad and your sister knew.
I have my memories. I know the house in the city and the house by the sea are still there, not just housing people but memories as well. And I know both houses have gone through changes over time. Just like we had our own changes and additions (and Losses) in our lives.

And we could always go back to the sea and the house by it, not only in times we want to.
I will come back and I know you will be there, no questions asked, just like the sea.
All I have to do is show up.